Bottalk Reviews

eBook by John C. Hocking Dedicated to Roy Thomas (Conan comic book writer and editor) Cover once again by E. M. Gist  From Titan Books and Heroic Signatures Spoilers! Spoilers!  A sequel to CONAN AND THE EMERALD LOTUS! Yes, the fan favourite Conan pastiche from 1995. With their Little Shop of Horrors adventure with the wizard, Ethram-Fal now in the rear view mirror, the emerald lotus addicted long legged sorceress Lady Zelandra of Akkharia desires to return home, to do so Conan and friends have to cross the River Styx from Stygia to Shem. Seeking a boat, our heroes arrive at the village of Quenah, but it's a ghost town. They sleep in an abandoned tavern, thinking of searching the docks the next day. Two living corpses appear! One steals the sorceress's last stash of eldritch drug (the crushed seeds of a deadly, addictive lotus plant that enhances her magical powers and that she is tapering off over time to be free of it) while the other zombie is just a distraction brandishing

eBook by Stephen Graham Jones Cover by E. M. Gist  From Titan Books and Heroic Signatures Spoilers! Spoilers!  Herdsman Jen Ro's French kissing cow rouses our blood caked Cimmerian from his slumber. Conan remembers being part of Shen-ga's raiding party, something must have turned sour on the battlefield because he realizes that he is now lost in the mountains. Conan collapses back to sleep in cowpats.  Conan finally awakens surrounded by cattle, and with Jen Ro's water, he washes the blood of battle from his body and loincloth. Jen Ro, a black lotus addict, cuts a steak from his narcotized cow's flank and miraculously heals the new wound with a mixture of glowing purple moss and black lotus. Jen Ro starts cooking the meat, but the starving Cimmerian can't wait and consumes it rare. Conan asks for more, Jen Ro goes to another drugged cow and brings more meat and wine.  Jen Ro mentions Trinnecerl, a village where he usually sells his purple glowing horned bovines. But

eBook by Steven L. Shrewsbury Cover by Gary Gianni (that Raven helmet is pretty fly! Brân means Raven) Illustrations by Patrick Zircher  From Titan Books and Heroic Signatures Spoilers! Spoilers!  The past... We are witnessing the last great battle of Bran Mak Morn. Picts and Romans are fighting. Bran Mak Morn, of the blood of Brule the Spear-slayer (the friend of King Kull of Valusia who reigned thousands of years ago before Atlantis sank) kills a Decurion (a Roman cavalry officer). Alaric and Bran's son Gallam are also there. Old Scottish priest Father Rogan stirs Dr. Elijah Blackthorn from his vision/reading. Dr. B, a psychometric archaeologist with the Miskatonic Institute of Technology awakens in an ancient Scottish Episcopal church, the Rosslyn Chapel. Dr. B spots Purple sashes of Advent (violet is the colour of royalty) anticipating the arrival of the King of Kings, Jesus Christ. Dr. B has a special talent, artifacts talk to him, he only has to touch them and their secrets

Jim Zub's The Age Unconquered part 1: Suffer Not the King of Wonders, starts here. Conan stabbed himself in the chest and died on the way back to his home planet? The End? Nope! Not the end. Conan gets The Terminator treatment and gets sent back in time by unknown mystical forces to the Thurian Age (The Age of Atlantis), the epoch of Atlantean King Kull of Valusia and his buddy Brule, the Spear-Slayer, a Pict of the Borni tribe. We see Brule once again piercing the loathsome Black Stone statue with his blessed spear from way back in issue #4. Lighting from heaven's grasp strikes the spear and the obelisk shatters. Time traveler Conan still alive with his clothes, horned helmet and Brule's sword, emerges from the destroyed Black Stone sculpture, you know, like in Ghostbusters with the charred Terror Dogs. Brule's Pictish warriors suggest killing the slime covered barbarian from the future. The Spear-Slayer stops them. A confused Conan does not remember Brule (from previo

eBook by Violet Castro Cover by Jenny Frison Illustrations by Patrick Zircher  From Titan Books and Heroic Signatures Spoilers! Spoilers!  A storm is battering Bêlit's ship the Tigress, crewmates are flying overboard. First mate Seneka, an expert tracker, is trying to protect Bêlit from the storm, They've been together for five years. The Tigress stops moving suddenly, they have hit land, an island. Hassan starts assessing the damage. Bêlit hits the beach, removes her boots and devours a fallen blood fruit from a nearby tree.  Hassan needs to work on the mast and to cut down trees to repair the Tigress's belly. Seneka, Mithras and Zeke will gather fruit, coconuts and make a fire. Nora will fish. They eat under the clouds that are obscuring the stars and preventing them from knowing their position. They start exploring the island in teams. Zeke and Mithras into the jungle. Nora and Homer to the left. Horus and Ajani to the right. The teen Mithras returns to tell Bêlit that N

This is not a black lotus induced dream. What you're seeing on the spinner rack is real! It's a brand new bimonthly Conan black-and-white magazine!  Yup! 80 spectacular pages of barbaric savagery printed on newsprint!  Inside this anthology you'll find plenty of treasures: A Personal Introduction by Roy Thomas Map of the Hyborian Age by Francesca Baerald A fresh new Pin-Up of Conan by Rob De La Torre A fresh new Pin-Up of Bêlit by Rebeca SubversiveGirl Puebla A fresh new Pin-Up of Solomon Kane by Howard Chaykin Pin-Up of the variant cover by Gerardo Zaffino with Robert E. Howard's poem: The Road of Kings  Pin-Up of the cover by Joe Jusko Solomon Kane, an essay by archaeologist Jeffrey Shanks Conan & The Dragon Horde by John Arcudi & Max Von Fafner Max is killing it on the art! Departing the Wahuan desert, now setting foot into the steppes of Hyrkania, General Conan is leading the 200 men - 1 woman army of exiled Prince Zaahid of Ul-Dalkhana, mostly gold lusting

Thrice Marked for Death! part four: Sacrifice!... Jim Zub's blood-soaked sequel to Queen of the Black Coast ends here. We get more "amazing" memories of Conan's time with his girlfriend aboard the Tigress.  Conan is sword fighting for fun with Lanre. Bêlit wants to spar with an ancient weapon (Brule/Brissa's Pictish blade) that she just stumbled upon, Conan refuses to indulge her because of his feelings for it. In a jealous fit of rage Bêlit tries to toss the half-sword overboard. Conan stops her. Back to the present, Conan, now a thrice possessed tool for Thulsa Doom is walking around the city of Shadizar. We get more flashbacks: Conan breaking the vessel from issue 4, the jungles of Kush, his fight with a shapechanger in the grasslands, the selling of the Pictish blade to Jaali the trader.  The nefarious spectres inside our Cimmerian want that blade... to corrupt it. Jason Voorhees...  I mean, Conan goes back to the pawnshop, kills Jaali's nephew and Thulsa

Thrice Marked for Death! part three: HAUNTED!... Jim Zub's vulgar sequel to Queen of the Black Coast continues. Conan is remembering "the good old times" with his bipolar girlfriend Bêlit. Back to the present, a bewitched Chaundra "The Chat" (It's somehow very important to constantly remind the reader that she's nicknamed "The Chat" but apparently Zub means a chatterbox not a songbird or a cat.) tries to assassinate our Cimmerian. "The Chat", now with deadite-like looks and enhanced strength, stabs Conan in the trapezius and slits a poor random dude's tongue. Conan kills her. Bleeding, haunted by the past, lost in his fevered mind, Conan garrottes Bêlit. Conan stumbles upon Kamal's secret gathering point. The barbarian finds his allies from the guild of thieves butchered by Kamal and locksmith Greff, both also possessed, just like "The Chat". Conan kills his two bandit buddies, dead Chaundra shows up, all 3 spectres

eBook by Scott Oden Cover once again by E. M. Gist  From Titan Books and Heroic Signatures Oden? The dude who wrote the introduction to "Sword Woman and Other Historical Adventures" AND THE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND CONAN UNCONQUERED Deluxe Edition exclusive 9000-word ebook set during the events of Black Colossus using the Yaralet fragment? Yes, the one and the same. Spoilers! Spoilers!  A sequel to Robert E. Howard's The Devil in Iron. While awaiting his new city lord from Aghrapur, the reticent new regent of Khawarizm, old Ghaznavi is enjoying expensive wine from Kyros in his study. Karash Khan, the shapeshifting leader of The Nine (The dude has 8 Sicari "brothers". Get it?) appears. The former counsellor of Turan desires to avenge his fallen lord, Jehungir Agha (killed by Conan in Devil in Iron on Xapur, an island on the Vilayet Sea).  To get his payback, Ghaznavi promises to turn over The temple of Erlik to the Sicari, a splinter cult of Erlik. Our Cimmerian comman

Don't cover my six, Iceman! So much nudity in issue 6, so much nakedness. Maybe the most "au naturel" Conan comic ever printed? Bêlit in the buff. Chaundra in the buff. Conan in the buff. Even the winged monster is in the buff. Everybody get naked! Should I follow suit and review this "Not suggested for immature readers" issue in my birthday suit? My Mezco Toyz Solomon Kane action figure (with its inaccurate red sash. It should be green!) next to me is shaking its Puritan head "NO". Thrice Marked for Death! part deux: The CURSED!... the adaptation of the Steven Seagal movie that never was continues or maybe it is still just the continuation of a gory Queen of the Black Coast sequel by Jim Zub. Seeing his she-devil of the sea as a Force ghost made Conan a believer in the afterlife. Preferring to partake in violent heists instead of trying to seek psychiatric assistance in Shadizar the Wicked our tormented Cimmerian from the Hyborian age is still hanging

aka Les Ombres de Thulé Basil Poledouris's Conan the Barbarian soundtrack starts playing in the background... Have recent graphic novels been failing to enrich your lives lately? Time to rejoice! Humanoids, Inc. / Les Humanoïdes Associés come to us in our hour of need with a fresh new horror comic chock-full of deadly serious dark fantasy goodness. Vallum Antonini, 163 AD. With the help of the enchantress Ithome, the vengeance consumed General Horatius of Rome wants to summon the Hirudinea, dark deities known as the Shadows of Thule to destroy the Pictish people who murdered his pregnant wife. Unbeknownst to him, Ithome has an ulterior plan: Use the Hirudinea to eradicate Rome! Will the seals on the seven megaliths be reinforced in time? Will the Lovecraftian leeches be able break down this barrier that divides our dimensions? With the assistance of the Gaels and Thorfel, a Hemsworth look-alike Celtic Roman soldier, will a doppelgänger of Robert E. Howard's Bran Mak Morn: The L

Robert E. Howard's Solomon Kane the dour English Puritan Swashbuckler gets a complete collection of his classic Marvel adventures. Sadly no Dark Horse Comics Guy Davis monster creations inside at all. You get All the pin-ups, adverts, text pieces + All the Kane stories from The Sword of Solomon Kane limited series, Savage Sword of Conan, Conan Saga, Kull and the Barbarians, Marvel Premiere, Marvel Preview, Monsters Unleashed and Dracula Lives. My favourite stories are: A Marvel Team-Up featuring the ectomorph: Kane in his twilight years and the mesomorph: Conan the Barbarian in his prime (The Moon of Skulls II: Death's Dark Riders by Roy Thomas and Colin MacNeil). Kane versus a ghost that kills (Skulls in the Stars by Ralph Reese). Kane versus a Lovecraftian cloud of blood (The Footfalls Within by Don Glut, Will Meugniot and Steve Gan). Kane versus the bat-people (Wings in the Night by Don Glut and David Wenzel). Kane versus vampires/zombies/the walking dead men (The Hills of t

Thrice Marked for Death!... it sounds like a must see Steven Seagal movie to me, but it's not, sword-brothers, sword-sisters... it's only a Queen of the Black Coast sequel by Jim Zub. With his buccaneer days over for the moment and with the Amra, the Lion persona still further along in his future, Conan the Cimmerian corsair is trying to get a certain she-devil of the sea out of his system. Back on terra firma our woebegone barbarian brigand has joined a guild of thieves called the GloryHounds. Will this brand-new arc finally quench my thirst for a good heroic fantasy story? We shall see. What I did like: The Patch Zircher tetraptych! Combine covers #5-8 to form a cool Conan quadriptych.  Doug Braithwaite is hitting it out of the London stadium. Bravo! Colours by Diego Rodriguez are fine. The chat? You mean the cat burglar? A little taste of French Canada from Zub is always good to see. Shadizar is full of shady characters. Erlik mentioned. The Living Tarim mentioned. Bel, god

Spoilers! Spoilers!  The merciless Starscream ices soldier Frosting, this pisses off Channing Tatum... oops, I mean Hauser so much so that he will start his own secret military science fiction unit: G.I. Joe. Conrad is calling his Ninja croupier friend in Vegas: Snake Eyes, right now. Starscream squished his best friend, now a sober, somber Sparkplug Witwicky wants retribution. Could Starscream be correct? Are the Autobots actually pure evil? Yes! They want to dominate the human race? Yes! The malevolent Optimus Prime kills a fawn, oh dear, and does not bury it! The hypocrite leader of the Autobots clearly cries bogus tears for the baby deer and the fallen Bumblebee. Crocodile tears from the one also called Alligaticon! Never forget that Prime murdered Teletraan One (see last issue), to stop it from reviving more upstanding and decent Decepticons, but also to keep it quiet, naturally, loose spaceship lips sink ships you know. The foul Cliffjumper fakes that he's afraid and unaware