Bottalk Reviews

Thrice Marked for Death!... it sounds like a must see Steven Seagal movie to me, but it's not, sword-brothers, sword-sisters... it's only a Queen of the Black Coast sequel by Jim Zub. With his buccaneer days over for the moment and with the Amra, the Lion persona still further along in his future, Conan the Cimmerian corsair is trying to get a certain she-devil of the sea out of his system. Back on terra firma our woebegone barbarian brigand has joined a guild of thieves called the GloryHounds. Will this brand-new arc finally quench my thirst for a good heroic fantasy story? We shall see. What I did like: The Patch Zircher tetraptych! Combine covers #5-8 to form a cool Conan quadriptych.  Doug Braithwaite is hitting it out of the London stadium. Bravo! Colours by Diego Rodriguez are fine. The chat? You mean the cat burglar? A little taste of French Canada from Zub is always good to see. Shadizar is full of shady characters. Erlik mentioned. The Living Tarim mentioned. Bel, god

Spoilers! Spoilers!  The merciless Starscream ices soldier Frosting, this pisses off Channing Tatum... oops, I mean Hauser so much so that he will start his own secret military science fiction unit: G.I. Joe. Conrad is calling his Ninja croupier friend in Vegas: Snake Eyes, right now. Starscream squished his best friend, now a sober, somber Sparkplug Witwicky wants retribution. Could Starscream be correct? Are the Autobots actually pure evil? Yes! They want to dominate the human race? Yes! The malevolent Optimus Prime kills a fawn, oh dear, and does not bury it! The hypocrite leader of the Autobots clearly cries bogus tears for the baby deer and the fallen Bumblebee. Crocodile tears from the one also called Alligaticon! Never forget that Prime murdered Teletraan One (see last issue), to stop it from reviving more upstanding and decent Decepticons, but also to keep it quiet, naturally, loose spaceship lips sink ships you know. The foul Cliffjumper fakes that he's afraid and unaware

aka Conan Le Cimmérien - Le Maraudeur noir Clearly inspired by Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter and never published during his lifetime, The Black Stranger by Robert E. Howard gets poorly adapted in France. Robert just can't get a break. The amateurish art of Jean-Luc Masbou is not ready for prime time. The human form is not mastered at all. Enthusiasts of anatomy will be severely upset. Faces look all too often like boiled potatoes or rotting pumpkins. Nonetheless lots of work is put in the vegetation of the Pictish wilderness, rock formations, the fort, masted sailing ships, weapons and clothes. The strange black Stygian mage/demon also disappoints by not being consistent or creepy enough. The terrible lettering makes the tale almost illegible. The pin-ups for The Treasure of Tranicos are all embarrassing except for the one by master Philippe Druillet, but it's cropped. Cropped? What the heck? Yes, and this is extremely disrespectful. Shame on you Glénat, Jean-Dav

Predator: The Original Screenplay adaptation by Jeremy Barlow and Patrick Blaine is still unpublished, so I have to review this gory Percy comic instead. I can make it. I can make it. Our Yautja from last issue is still obsessed with Wolverine. The trophy hunting extraterrestrial really wants Logan's mint out of package adamantium spine for his collection. If you're a collector you know what I'm talking about. Sadly, we get zero retractable claws vs retractable claws action this issue. Who will be the best there is at what they do? Do I really have to ask the question? What I did like: Wolverine is an arachnologist, he knows the sounds spiders make, knows about ticks. Impressive. Alabama ticks get mentioned. Old Painless clears the jungle once again. Sabretooth avenges Jesse Ventura. He did the former Governor of Minnesota proud. The Predator (1987) score by Alan Silvestri is still playing in my head. Maybe I should see a doctor. What I did not like: Canada. Just Canada. It

Jim Zub's miserable and interminable zombie tale of ennui ends, at last. Conan transcends the abyss soup, chills with Brule, kills a Lovecraftian creature and escapes this poorly written story arc. What I did like: A cover that features A WOMAN of the Hyborian age by Giada Marchisio!! Bound in Black Stone is done, finished. My boy, Brule, the Spear-Slayer finally appears. Collapsing structures is a very Howardian way of finishing a sword and sorcery tale. Conan Father’s Sword from the 1982 Arnold Schwarzenegger film appears. The Frost-Giant's Daughter cover by Cary Nord is bitter sweet because Titan Comics are presently not adapting the stories of Robert E. Howard. It's only pastiches for now. Let's hope they change their minds and give us adaptations in the future! Nice cover by Nick Percival. What I did not like: Still no cover by British comics artist Colin MacNeil!!! No Kull of Atlantis. No Thulsa Doom. No Set Berserkers from the John Milius film! Not very clear wha

Explore! Explore! Repair! Repair! Review! Review! Spoilers! Spoilers! Carly and a grieving Spike Witwicky discover the Autobot Ark. The Shuttle is full to the gills with deactivated G1 Transformers. Jetfire (last seen in Void Rivals #1) arrives to reactivate Teletraan One. He chooses his long time friend Starscream to be repaired first... What I did like: A letters page! Is that the G.I. Joe Crusader Space Shuttle? Optimus Prime is using pro wrestling moves. Is Daniel Warren Johnson a sports entertainment aficionado? Yes he is and we are smelling what he's cooking and it's just too sweeeeeet. Ratchet utilizing flying kicks is actually cartoon accurate. Carly is a Frazetta Girl! The transformations are fantastically drawn. The Autobot Ark never looked this amazingly detailed. Soundwave using his shoulder batteries cannon is a rare treat. Thank you! Soundwave caring about Ravage. If you have pets, you know. Optimus Prime running towards us is very Sunbow Productions. Bravo! Opt

Jim Zub's Conan tale of the undead shows some signs of life, at last. But is it too late? Conan frees a sliver of surviving Barbarians from the icy grip of the possessed picts, is able to get a minuscule amount of payback... but ends up in the soup, literally. What I did not like: Conan not solicitous about the fate of his family members or childhood friends. All the unsightly covers except for the snake one by Roberto (and only from afar).  The old and infirm are still alive? Please! They survived the trip to the citadel? Stop insulting the reader. Only men fight alongside Conan. No vengeful Cimmerian women? That's disappointing and also sexist.  I was getting a Conan the Barbarian (1982 John Milius film) vibe from the very first page. Trying to appeal more to the casual movie fan than the Robert E. Howard scholar. Still no Big Bad for Conan. The letters page was too small and only featured sycophants. Competent creators and editors should crave constructive criticism. Please

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